If Only
by dini40seven
Summary: Many people would not believe that the most feared wizard in the world was once in love.~*~Complete~*~
1. Never In A Million Years!

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If Only..

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(A/N: There's nothing REALLY sexual in hear, but if you get icked out by graphic details of kissing, better not read this!)

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~*~Chapter One: Never In A Million Years!~*~

Love is a very powerful thing. It can make or break someone. In the case of Tom Riddle, it broke.

Tom Riddle wasn't always evil, no. In his fifth year, he even fell in love. 

~*~_During Tom Riddle's Fifth Year...~*~_

Tom was sitting in the library. He would tend to go there when the nuisances of his house became too unbearable. This was one of the times. Slytherin was currently partying like there was no tomorrow, because of winning the latest quidditch game. Not that he didn't enjoy quidditch, no, he found it very interesting. But all those happy people, begging him to join in the party, when they knew they wouldn't succeed, it was too much.

And that's when he saw her.

Fiona Athelstane, fifth year, like himself, who belonged to Ravenclaw house. He had only seen her around the school a couple times, she was very reclusive and didn't have many friends. She would hurry to classes, hurry back to her common room after, never acknowledging that there were even other people in the building. He couldn't help but notice how pretty she was. Dirty blonde hair that was, though it was "dirty blonde", very shiny. It was straight and went down to about mid back. She had magnificent blue eyes, the colour of the sky on a clear, sunny day. Her lips weren't small, not too large, but had a pouty look to them. He wondered what it would be like to kiss those lips. He quickly disregarded that thought as he slowly made his way over to her. Then he stopped. Why was he making his way over to her? He didn't have any friends. He didn't want any. He, Tom Riddle, social outcast, didn't have time for friends or girls. He was a prefect, with perfect grades, but somehow was compelled by this girl. They were very much similar. Finally, she noticed this boy who seemed to be struggling some internal battle.

"Excuse me, is there something wrong?" She asked timidly. He was shaken out of his unconscious thoughts and finally said, 

"No, I was just, I mean, I was wondering if it were alright if I sat there?" He asked as he pointed in the direction of the seat beside her.

"Oh, well, uh," She stammered, a little nervous as to why this incredibly handsome boy (as she thought) would want to sit beside her, "sure.."

"Thanks!" He beamed, with a happy grin appearing on his face. Fiona, noticing his happiness, reciprocated it.

"What's your name?" He asked.

"Fiona Athelstane, yours?"

"Tom Riddle, I am in Slytherin house, do you come here often?"

"Yes, me being the bookworm from Ravenclaw." She smiled sweetly, and he felt a weird sensation in his stomach. He was in love.

"I've seen you around school," He began, "No offence, but you don't seem to have many friends. And I don't see why, you're very pretty, and from what I can see, very nice!" She blushed furiously at him calling her pretty.

"It's just, I never really had the urge to have friends. But now, from meeting you, I can see I was missing out!" They both started to laugh, and then Tom did something that shocked both of them. He took her hand that was on the table into his own. He stared at his hand in disbelief, almost like it had a mind of its own. He then looked up, at the exact moment Fiona tore her gaze away from his hand. They stared into each other's eyes.

"I-I-I got to go, I have to-be in bed in ten minutes, thank you for a lovely time!" Fiona stuttered.

"Me too," Tom began nervously, "But, will you meet me back here tomorrow?"

"...Yes."

Tom walked back to his common room in a daze. He was in love. He, the one with no friends, was in love. He went to his bed and laid there, staring at the ceiling. He would not sleep tonight.

They met in the library for about 3 weeks. Tom and Fiona got to know each other very well, and it was plain to both of them they fancied each other. Tom could not hold his feelings back any longer, so he made a proposal.

"Fiona, instead of meeting me here tomorrow, how about by the greenhouses?"

"Sounds lovely!" She grinned.

The next day passed quickly. Tom was nervous, he was going to ask Fiona out. He didn't know if she'd say yes, he hoped she would, he had to get his feelings out in the open.

Tom sat there, waiting. Then he saw her. Her beautiful figure walking, almost skipping towards him. He could see her hair floating behind her. She looked like an angel. When she came close, he could see that magnificent smile she only showed him. She slowed down when she saw the look in his eyes. Her grin turned into a nervous smile as she sat down. Tom took her hand, and she looked puzzled.

"Fiona, ever since I laid eyes upon you, I thought you were the most beautiful thing I ever saw. I just wondered, possibly, if you'd consider," He gulped, "Going out with me?"

"OH TOM!" She squealed, and threw her arms around his neck. He tumbled over, and she fell with him. She was now lying on top of him.

"Oh geez, sorry Tom!" She said excitedly, but slowed when she saw the lust in his eyes. He rolled over so he was on top of her. She giggled once, then became serious again. He looked into those blue eyes once, then thought 'Comon' Tom, you've wanted this for a long time!' He bent down slowly and kissed her. She placed a hand on the back of his head and pulled him closer to deepen their kiss. He slipped his tongue inside her mouth and became more hasty in exploring her mouth. She let out a moan and he felt the butterflies in his stomach. His hands began to explore her, and her hand frantically grabbed his hair and groped his neck. He finally broke the kiss and they both panted for air. He realised his hand was under her shirt that was under her robes, and he quickly took it out. They were both frozen how they were for a while, until, 

"Wow.." Fiona said.

"Ya, wow!" Tom said, expecting her to turn all shy again.

"Fiona, I'm sorry, I got kind of carried away, and-"

"Don't worry, I liked it, and Tom, I love you!"

"I love you too!"


	2. How I Fell From The Top of The World

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If Only...

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(A/N: Sorry about using the wrong spelling of "here" in my story! I probably made more spelling errors, but that is the only one I noticed.)

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~*~Chapter Two: How I Fell From The Top of The World~*~

Things were going great for Tom. He was getting perfect grades, he was informed, though it was two years in advance, if he kept up his good behaviour he would most definitely become Head Boy. And he was also going out with the prettiest girl in Hogwarts, he loved her, and he had her love.

He sat in the library with Fiona, this had become "their spot". They were studying for the test they were going to have in potions, since they had it together. Occasionally one would glance up to find the other staring, then would laugh and shake their head and return to what they were reading. Tom could hear sneers coming from another table.

"Look at them, if they sat any closer to each other they will become one person!"

"Oh well, at least they're not snogging, I came in yesterday to find them holding each other like if they let go they would both die. Rather sickening."

"I think they're both perfect for each other, both geeky loners!" After the last comment Tom could hear (A/N: At least I didn't get this hear wrong!) them chuckle. He paid no attention afterwards. He didn't care some idiotic teenagers thought they were weird. He loved this girl and nothing could come between them.

"Did you hear them?" Tom looked up to see Fiona with a tear coming down her cheek.

"Oh Fiona, don't cry! They are idiotic! If they can't take that we're together, that's THEIR problem! I love you, they won't change how I feel!" Fiona let out a sob and hugged Tom so quickly he didn't know what hit him. He positioned his face on her neck and began to plant kisses and mutter "shh, it's ok". He began to stroke her hair and then he realised it was time for potions.

"Fiona, as much as I'd love to stay like this, we have a class!" She let out a sigh and reluctantly let go. They gathered their belongings and left. They walked past the people who were previously talking and they all started to laugh, as Tom grabbed Fiona's hand.

The weekend came, and it was time for the annual Hogsmeade visit. Of course Tom and Fiona were going, they both looked forward to going somewhere where they could be alone without the whole school watching their every move. 

When they got to Hogsmeade, they went to the Three Broomsticks. 

"Oooh Tom, I've never been here before! I think we're going to have so much fun!" Fiona beamed, he loved to see her happy.

"Yes, I think we'll both have a splendid time." He smiled at her and covered her hand with his.

They finished their butterbeer and headed up the road. Tom had been having mixed feelings about this trip. He was very excited, but also, very anxious. He was planning to ask Fiona something very important.

"Fiona?"

"Yes?" She turned towards him when she noticed he stopped.

"Fiona, I just wanted to ask you. You see, I love you.. so much.. and, when we both graduate, I, I want to marry you." He did it. He knew it was two years from now, but he wanted her to know he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

"Oh.. Tom! I.. really.. wasn't expecting a marriage proposal!" She had suddenly gone pale, but Tom knew she was overjoyed.

"It isn't a proposal I suppose. I just want you to know, that when we graduate, I still want to be with you, and I wanted to assure you I want to be with you forever"

"Tom! I always dreamed of you asking me this! I love you too, more than words could ever say, so, YES!" She jumped into his arms and kissed him.

Fiona and Tom wandered around the village, visiting the many interesting shops. They were both in extremely good moods. When they realised it was almost time to go, they headed to the point where the rest of the school was meeting up. Then it happened. A thief, most likely a dark wizard who was poor, ran out of one of the shops. The owner of the shop ran out screaming after him, claiming he stole thousands of galleons worth of merchandise. He was running right towards Tom, and Tom pulled out his wand, determind to stop him. But Fiona had a bad feeling. She saw that the wizard already had his wand out, and when Tom went to yell "STUPEFY!" Fiona saw him muttering the words "Avada Kedavra" and screamed. She threw herself in front of Tom and got the full blast of the spell. She fell over as the thief ran away. 

"FIONA! NO! SOMEBODY PLEASE GET HELP!" The screams of terror from the other witches and wizards in the village got the class running towards them. The headmaster ran up to Tom, and bent over.   
"Tom, what spell was cast on Fiona?"

Tom, with a complete blank look on his face, simply stated, Avada Kedavra. 

"I'm so sorry, Tom. Fiona has been hit with one of the Unforgivable Curses. She is dead. There is nothing I can do. We will take her body back to the castle and immediately contact her parents. Again, I am sorry." Tom never flinched, he just sat with Fiona's body in his arms.

"I had told her I wanted to marry her when we graduated," He began, "She said yes. And then, she dies. It's not fair!" Suddenly, he became extremely angry and got to his feet slowly, shaking.

"I know, life is not fair Tom. We will talk about this further back at the castle. 


	3. Why me?

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If Only...

~*~Chapter Three: Why me?~*~

Tom walked around for the next couple of weeks in a daze. He didn't care he was failing, he didn't care that he was snapping at anybody who even looked at him. All he could think of was how him and Fiona were going to marry, the life they could of had...

_Tom saw Fiona run up to him. She had a huge smile on her face and he couldn't help but feel unconditional love for her. As he waited for her to reach him he noticed his hand holding his wand towards her. He tried to put it back down but it would not obey. Then he heard himself say "Avada Kevedra". He tried and tried to will himself to obey, but saw an amazing flash of green light emanate from his wand and hit Fiona full blast. She fell over in the blast and Tom, finally able to do something, ran up to her and practically fell down to her. He lay his head on her chest and began to sob. He screamed for someone to help but found himself all alone. His dream started to fade away and tried to keep hold on Fiona, maybe she would come back to reality with him. But it was no use. _

Tom awoke in a cold sweat. He went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, seeing tear lines on his face. This had been how he had been waking up since she died. And it was the same dream every time. 

He wasn't stupid. He realised he blamed himself for her death, and the dreams were just confirming that. If he hadn't tried to stop that thief, it would never try to kill him, and Fiona would never try to save him. It was all his fault. He might as well of done it himself, like in the dream.

He was in transfiguration with Professor Dumbledore when the headmaster came to the door.

"May I borrow Mr.Riddle for a moment, professor?"

"Yes of course." Dumbledore replied uncertainly.

Tom started walking down the hallways towards the headmaster's office. Not a word was spoken between them. Tom had little idea what he was going to say, he just knew it was about Fiona. They reached his office and he motioned Tom to sit in the chair parallel to his.

"Now Tom, I know Ms. Athelstane's death has been very hard on you. It's been hard on all of us. And I'm quite aware your having many sleepless nights over it. Now, I'm willing to offer you some sleeping potion which will relieve you of your nightmares. But Tom, you are started to slip grade-wise. You used to be a grade A student, a excellent prefect, but now you're pulling C's at best and you're disregarding your prefect duties. If you do not catch up soon, I'm afraid you might not get that head boy position."

"Oh professor, I know I am slipping, but I can't help it. I can't get my mind off her sir."

"I understand what you are going through. And I am considering excusing you from exams at the end of the year."

"Sir, I think that is extremely unfair to the rest of the school. I will take exams."

"Alright Tom, I must say, you are showing quite a lot of courage. You are excused."

Tom left the office with the bottle of sleeping potion he was given. He roamed the halls thinking about how he might lose head boy position, how he is pulling C's at best, he couldn't understand how his life went from perfect to awful in a mere couple of weeks.

Later that evening, before Tom was going to sleep, he remembered the sleeping potion. He gulped it down hoping to get the day over with as soon as possible. He felt his eyes getting heavy and drifted into dreamless sleep.

_Tom was standing in the middle of Hogwarts grounds. It was a beautiful day, the grass and sky colours were even more radiant than real life. He looked around. There were no people. Except for one. He saw them walking towards them, not at a run, more like a walk. This person had the most grace he'd ever seen, and you couldn't help but stare when you watched them walk. As she (he could tell from the body features) walked closer, he realised who it was._

"Fiona?"

"Hello Tom."

"I don't understand, I took sleep potion, this is supposed to be a dreamless sleep."

"This isn't a dream."

"What do you mean?"

"Tom, I know how you are blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault. I know you love me, and I love you. I saved your life because I love you so much. You didn't cause that wizard to perform that spell on me. It was my time, Tom. Please don't blame yourself."

While she talked, though very much concentrated on her words, Tom couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked. Her hair was shining almost with a heavenly glow, and it hung on either side of her chest, as well as her back. She was wearing a white dress that tightened around the body, but the part below the waist was long and billowing. Her sleeves were tight around the upper part of her harm, and became wider to the point of her wrists. 

"Wait, Fiona, are you an-"

"An angel, yes." She smiled and it reached every feature of her face.

"I should of known. You've always been my angel, but know you've actually became one, in the flesh."

"Tom, I cannot stay. But I just wanted you to know, I'm always watching you. I love you, Tom."

"I love you too Fiona, my angel."

After tom finished what he said, Fiona cupped his face in her hands. Her hands were warm, and spread happiness throughout his body. He slowly leaned in to kiss her. She did not hesitate, and now he was positively ecstatic with joy. Her lips were even warmer than her hands, and she tasted like sugar. He broke the kiss off, and she smiled again. Then she turned, and Tom noticed something on her back. She had wings. She walked off as he wished he could still be kissing her. When he couldn't see her go any longer, he ran up to her, swiftly turned her around and kissed her again, much more passionately. He again broke away the kiss as he felt himself stir...

Tom awoke with a start. The boys in his dormitory were making quite a loud racket playing Exploding Snap. The joyful mood Tom was in in the dream had left, and anger filled him again. Why did she come? It wasn't fair. He wanted her so badly. He looked around at his dorm mates. He decided to go to the library.

He was in the mood for some dark reading. Being the clever boy he was, he made up an excuse to go to the restricted section. Then he had an idea. He frantically searched through the books for anything concerning Avada Kedevra. Then he found it. 'Dark Curses'. He grabbed the book and walked to a table. He couldn't go to their table. He just couldn't.

For many weeks, Tom delved into the world of dark magic. He quickly became interested. He wanted to try these curses. He would punish the world for taking his Fiona away...

~*~The End~*~


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